Bye-Bye, Music Class
In the ongoing nature-nurture discussion, Aurora has once again made it clear that she is her own person, not impressed by my careful and steadfast encouragement of musical interests. For almost two years now, we’ve been attending a weekly music class at various community centres near our house, taught by the inimitable Barbara Duncan. I love it, and look forward to it every week. Barbara gears the songs, rhymes, and fingerplays to the various age groups she teaches. Most of the kids seem to love it, and they jump up with glee to grab musical instruments (primarily percussion) for making a happy cacophany.
Most of the kids, that is, except Aurora. Some parts she really enjoys, like the insect number countdown (you jump up and grab a plastic bug from the line when Barbara calls your name), the caterpillar puppet who turns into a butterfly, and “Monkey See, Monkey Do.” Other parts of class annoy the heck out of her, like when Barbara pulls out the guitar and all the kids are able to cut lose with their drums, triangles, bells, and maracas. She really doesn’t like “Zoom, Zoom, Zoom,” either. I had various excuses and rationalizations for Aurora’s negative, fussy behaviour during some parts of the class, like shyness, unwillingness to perform in front of others, and so on. I still thought she was getting something out of it, though.
Then three weeks ago, after another temper tantrum halfway through class, she finally let me have it in language I could understand. “I don’t like it, Mommy. It’s TOO LOUD!” Well, okay then. I didn’t want to just skip the last two weeks of class, particularly because Aurora seems to mostly enjoy the first half of it, so I talked to Barbara about it. She kindly offered to extend the puppet and finger play part of the class and soften the music (and hold back the drums) for the last two classes of the session. Aurora managed to hold on until the end.
Music is such an important part of my life, and so integral to my daily happiness, that it’s going to be a real challenge to find a way to compromise with someone who covers my mouth when I sing (and has since she was a baby), and complains when I turn on the radio that she “doesn’t like that song,” whether it’s Classical, Rock, Folk, or Showtunes. I really had no idea that this sort of thing was genetic. I thought that if I introduced music, and plenty of it, from a very young age, that she would take to it like a fish to water. I’m not complaining, I’m just surprised. I guess it makes me appreciate even more the good luck I have in having a child who loves to read, playact, tell jokes and stories, make art, and build things. She’s a wonder, and I love her, but she is definitely her own person.
Danielle Lara Conrad said,
June 29, 2010 @ 7:49 am
This was really interesting Lisa…I, too, thought introducing music early was the way to go to ensure music loving children, but you've definitely raised some interesting questions here! I've also found myself listening to a lot of children's song (Raffi etc.) trying to figure out why it appeals to kids, but we can't seem to get away with playing our own cd's and having them be as entertained!I do wonder though, much like food, if you keep trying to introduce it, over and over, over time, if it will eventually take. Sounds like you've worked on this since babyhood, but I don't think there are many adults who don't like music at all, so I bet she'll find her own style as she grows. Fingers crossed for you
Liisa Nessim said,
June 29, 2010 @ 8:15 am
I bet she would do well with private lessons that are quieter and geared to her personally. My daughter Laurel played piano from 4 years old and went through a stage during elementary and middle school of never singing in public and now she is in the Jazz Program at Capilano University in voice. Has run her own choir through highschool and plays five different instruments. Be patient the love of music will come eventually.
Christine Tasche said,
June 29, 2010 @ 8:24 am
Dietrich was pretty disinterested in music up until the last year or two, I think partly because it's such a large part of Ern's and my identity. He may not have understood where he fit. Now as a teen, he's discovering what kinds of music he likes and has his own motivation for listening. He's even toying with the idea of learning an instrument (finally!!!).
Mila Cohen said,
June 29, 2010 @ 8:44 am
Like vegetables, I would gently reintroduce every 6 months or so — finding another class with a more orderly teacher, perhaps, even if you love this one. I remember as a kid hating the cacophony part of music classes — I wanted everyone to play together. She is probably over-sensitive in her auditory processing. Most likely this will sort out as she grows older. She covers your mouth when you sing? Thank God you know you have a lovely voice. They are their own people, not extensions of their parents. I think the more we acknowledge this the happier everyone is.
Lisa Wells said,
June 29, 2010 @ 10:06 am
You all have such valuable insights! I think Mila is right about Aurora being over-sensitive about noise, because she does occasionally express a preference for quiet guitar music or children's songs, played not too loud. On the Cars soundtrack, which she requests often, her favourite song is James Taylor's "Our Town", the softest of the bunch (although she likes Sheryl Crow and Chuck Berry, too). She also takes after her Dad, and doesn't like most songs until she's heard them several times. I miss the days of singing her a lullaby before bedtime, but I respect her preferences, and we only do stories now.
Mila Cohen said,
June 29, 2010 @ 11:07 am
I was thinking about this a little more. Have you thought about ballet? It's more orderly than your typical kids group music class, the music is (typically) quiet & pretty & there's acting & dress up involved. She'll be learning rhythm & musicality & moving, too. I know a lot of chefs who were very picky eaters as kids because of an overly sensitive palette. As you get older sensory aversions tend to mellow but sometimes the discrimination factor creates for great sophistication. Or she could just be tone deaf.
Selena Lam said,
June 30, 2010 @ 2:54 pm
Interesting! We've been in Music Together classes over the last two years, and I sympathize with Aurora's dislike of the random percussion section – it's just a bit too loud for me. And Barrett frequently says, "Mama! Not THAT song!" when I start to sing something (he definitely has his preferences!). But I wouldn't give up on Aurora's musical taste and exposure just yet. Maybe keep the volume low, but if there's a song that she doesn't like on the radio? tough bananas, babe, especially if it's making Mom happy.